10 on Tuesday (but I think it's Wednesday)

1. What television character do you identify with?

Rory from Gilmore Girls. Especially in my 20s when I was often the "adult" in my relationship with my mom.

2. Describe your morning routine.

On days I go to work, I wake up, jump in the shower and get dressed and do my hair and make up. I wake up my husband if he's not already up and he gets Fuss ready while I pack our stuff for the morning. We rush out the door when I'm supposed to be arriving at work. On days when I don't work. I get up, sit on the couch for a bit and snuggle with Fuss when she wakes up. I talk with my husband, we discuss and sometimes have breakfast. If I'm walking w/ Jo, then I throw on work clothes and get Fuss dressed and we rush out the door. If I'm not walking, we laze around for a bit.

3. How do you do lunch? Bring from home or dine out? Same thing every day or mix it up?

We usually eat at home, unless it's a special day. Fuss has a short list of things that we mix and match and I eat left overs or soup or whatever I feel I can handle at the time.

4. What is one moment that, although seemingly trivial at the time, changed your life?

The first time I really talked to my now-husband. I had a crush on his best friend and we had another mutual friend. I randomly asked him "what is up with your friend?" and he actually answered me. We became friends and the rest is history.

5. Name your top three beauty products.

Neutrogena soap
Concealer
lip gloss

6. What do you do when you’re alone in the car?

Sing to the radio, but I'll do that when I'm not alone, too. I also make a lot of phone calls from the car when it's just me or just me and the Fuss.

7. What is the ideal city for you to live in? If you can, take this survey
I took the quiz and here are my top 5 cities:
1. Fort Pierce, FL
2. Crystal River, FL
3. Conroe, TX
4. Alexander City, AL
5. Mobile, AL
Do I agree? Well, I've never actually heard of Fort Pierce, but it sounds interesting. I'm not a fan of Crystal River, from the little I know of it, but honestly, that's not a lot. I've been in nice towns in both TX and AL, but never to the ones listed here. As I continue through the list, there are only a handful of cities I've ever considered, but most of them are ones that I don't recognize, either.

8. Are you waiting for something?

My gender revealing ultra-sound, the new baby to arrive.

9. What was the last shocking news you heard?

When we got the call that my husband's grandmother had passed away the other night.

10. What are three things you wouldn’t do for a million dollars?
Kill anyone, sleep with anyone but my husband, leave my family.

This is late, but I wanted to post regardless. What can I say? I liked the questions a lot.

Gma

My husband's grandmother passed away today. We call the call from his mom who found her just as we were sitting down to dinner. It's all a little wild, since she had surgery scheduled for next monday and everyone was feeling very hopeful that it was going to really help her feel so much better and that she would be radically improved over time.

I cannot imagine how my MIL feels. Gma was 81 and not in the greatest health, but to find her like that would be so freaky. To come across your own mother would be horrible. My husband went to be with her and I'm a little worried for him, as well. He didn't get the chance to eat dinner, he's also upset and stressed and tired.

I'm tired. It's late and I just want to go to bed, but I want to stay up and be here for him when he gets home. It's going to be a rough weekend.

I'm watching TV to avoid the too quiet house. I can hear Fuss coughing in her sleep. I want to hold her and make her feel better, but I don't want to wake her, either. I will let her sleep.

I have no idea how to explain that Gma isn't here anymore to Fuss. She loved spending time with Gma, loved cuddling up to her and making her laugh. She was very good at making Gma laugh. I can picture her sitting on the hospital bed the other day, mooching apple sauce off Gma's hospital dinner. They were both so happy to be hanging out together. We took a cell picture, I hope my husband kept it, even though it wasn't the greatest quality. I can tell her that Gma went to heaven, but she won't understand what that means. She'll think it's like when Daddy goes to work and will expect her to be coming back at some point. How do you explain this to a 2-year-old?

Silver Lining

I wrote my last post, cried and then got to have a nice long talk with my husband about everything I was feeling. And my day went so much better yesterday. I had some energy, my best friend called to make a ton of plans with me/us while she is on spring break next week, Fuss mostly behaved herself and then, my husband got to spend a lot more time with us than usual because he was attending a trade show out of town that really only took him a few hours, including the 4-hour total commute so he left late and came home early and I was ecstatic. (there was also the matter of him doing everything in his power to physically make me feel better, but will stop right there with the description because there are things I am not sharing on my blog, and this is one of them.)

Wednesday was a good day.

Today however, has been rough. We had a follow up appointment with Fuss's pediatrician to (hopefully) clear her post-latest ear infection and give her her 2-year-old vaccines. We had tantrums as I got her ready (one about talking to my mom on the phone - she didn't want to let go after a lengthy conversation and the other about me packing up her cereal in a car-friendly container so we could take it with us) and then they were running behind (a little) at the Dr's office. Which was no big deal, really. But then, when the Dr. checked her little ears, we discovered that not one, but both of her ears were infected. I am also instructed to watch and journal about the scenarios when she tells me her head hurts (did you know that there are documented cases of children as young as 3 getting migraines? But headaches in children this young can be a sign of things much more serious, as well, so we need to monitor the when and why of when she complains that her head hurts very carefully.) Her arm, however is fine, despite Tuesday's run-in with the van door.

The fun part was when I had to lift her kicking and screaming and remove her from the Dr's office (where they apparently have far-superior toys and 24-hours of Disney channel playing in the waiting room) and practically drag her across the parking lot. Once we finally got home, she was calmer and we snuggled on the couch a bit while watching part of Clifford the Big Red Dog on PBS and reading some books.

I am looking forward to naptime.

So I'm stressed today and a little cranky, but truly, I am not feeling nearly as bad as I was the other day. That was a real low point for me.

I am hoping to get a haircut and maybe a make over at the mall soon to help with my self-image. I'm embracing the maternity clothes (don't I always?) that accentuate my fuller chest (when you've got it, why not, right?) and prove to the world that I am PREGNANT not just FAT, which helps with my self-image as well. I truly look pregnant when I'm wearing a shirt that isn't 4 sizes too big for me.

I am trying to think positively. I am trying to enjoy these days of having only one child, of being pregnant, a little more by looking for the silver lining.

And I'm enjoying the cuddles that having a not-quite-well toddler is affording me, even if I'm upset that she is sick yet again.

And now I have to go clean up the yogurt mess she just made all over my dining room table. :)

Failure

I just don't like myself very much right now.
I feel like a failure as a woman, a mother, a wife, a mother-to-be and let's not even get started on how I have no career or prospect of one and while I love being a mom and staying home with my child(ren), I don't feel I am fulfilled with that being my purpose.

1. I feel ugly and gross. I am becoming frumpy and blah and just all-around unattractive and I feel like I can't do a thing about it. My hair is gross, my make-up is awful, my skin is gross (pregnancy acne anyone?) and I'm heavy and I'm not just talking about my pregnancy belly. I have few clothes that fit (thanks to the pregnancy and the whole opposite seasons-issue) and no money to do anything about any of the above.

2. I accidentally shut my darling 2-year-old's arm in the door of my mini van yesterday. Her soft little baby arm has a really bad bruise and she cried for what seemed like forever and at the time didn't even let me comfort her - it was like she knew it was my fault and didn't want my comfort. I THINK she is fine, but will have the pediatrician look at it today or tomorrow (already a scheduled appointment on Thursday) to verify the unlikelyhood of a fracture. This is only one example of how I am feeling like a failure in this department, but really, isn't that enough? I've yelled at my kid several times over the last few days, I have very little patience right now and I wish she would JUST STOP MISBEHAVING!

3. I feel so achy and gross these days that my chores around the house are slipping. I am behind in my laundry, I never did run the dishwasher this morning, and my husband who seems to be coming down with some sort of congestion and isn't feeling well himself is cooking most of the meals. I'm a terrible wife.

4. I'm not really enjoying this pregnancy - I just want it over with. I'm not eating right because I just don't feel like putting in the effort because I feel so gross and I seem to have every non-problematic (for the pregnancy) ache and pain you can have lately.

5. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a good wife and mother, but I feel like I'm failing at that miserably. I have little to no skills or experience in any field of interest and lately, I'm not entirely sure I even have any interests left! I had so many things I was interested in in high school and college. What happened? I loved taking classes (I hated taking tests, but the actual lectures were fine) and had varied interests in all sorts of different things. And now? If you were to tell me you could snap your fingers and make me educated and capable of any job/career I desired I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was that I desired. Seems crazy, huh?

I used to be this really positive person. I was sort of known for it, growing up. I'm an optimist, a friendly sort, and cheerful person. But lately, I feel like all I do is whine and complain and I can't seem to snap out of it. I don't want to be this person, but here I am, complaining some more. I can't even imagine why anyone would want to be around me these days. And since I have few friends at this point, I guess they don't.

10 on Tuesday

1. When you were a senior in high school, what career did you think you’d choose? Did you? Why or why not?
I thought I was going to be a Journalism major and become a reporter. I did a year or so of Journalism major and related classes, and realized pretty quickly that I did NOT want to become a reporter. It was not the life I wanted. I had picked it because I enjoyed working on my high school paper and I loved to write. Of course, I loved to write FICTION which you shouldn't do as a reporter (though, some could argue that many do, in fact write fiction)

2. What one thing about the “real world” did you find most surprising once you were on your own?
How hard it is to keep up. The bills, the chores, etc. I think when I was a teen all I saw was freedom to make my own choices, etc. But there is so much responsibility to that freedom and you can't expect other people to bail you out or do you favors once you're at that point.

3. Name 3 things you think your closest friends DON’T like about you.
-I'm opinionated and with my close friends I don't bother to be quiet about it. I'm polite about it, but when I know I'm right, I can be pushy.
-I can be very messy. I'm always apologizing for my messy car, but rarely do much about it
-I have varied tastes in food, and with the exception of my husband, no one else seems to share it

4. In order to sleep, do you need background noise or absolute quiet?
I prefer quiet, but can handle a steady white noise or low-toned steady noise like the TV if I have to.

5. Why do you choose to reside in your current city? Yes, you have a choice
Because we are close to our family. We were going to move to a city a little further away and then thought about kids and being by our family so they can spend more time with our children, etc.
6. Are you close to your parents?
Yes. My mom is one of my best girlfriends. And I'm Daddy's Little Girl, though lately I think I may have been replaced by my daughter. :)

7. What is your favorite fiction book? Poem? Blog?
Book: The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
Poem: don't have a favorite poem
Blog: MightyMaggie

8. Do you enjoy cooking or is it a chore?
I enjoy baking, but basic cooking isn't that much fun. I like when it all comes out really well, though!

9. Be honest. What one thing would (the majority of) your blog readers be shocked to find out about you?
No clue. Not that I'm completely open or anything (though I don't intentionally hide anything that I can think of other than our real names) but I can't think of anything specific. And considering some of the things I do talk about here, I doubt anyone would really be shocked by my other revelations.

10. If you were given your own national holiday, what would you require people to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner on the Day of You? Would there be a parade? Greeting cards?
No greeting cards, since I think that a lot of the holiday cards are just out there so that the card companies can make money (do you really need a card to celebrate St Patrick's Day? How about a beer instead?) And I would totally encourage people to eat spicy foods... Thai food, cajun food, etc.

For more 10 on Tuesday, visit Chelsea here.

Alright, I've learned my lesson... and I told you so!

In part one of today's post, I will mention our media diet and how we have agreed to relax the rules slightly.
I've learned my lesson. I have learned that I need to watch less TV. There needs be less of it on, in general and only when there is something specific on that I want to see. This applies to pretty much every aspect of the day - I don't need to have it on in the morning simply for background noise when all I really need to see is 3 minutes of the weather report. I don't need to turn it on when I get home from work to listen to noise in the background, especially when I don't even care about the programs that are on.
So, my husband I have decided to relax the rules for the rest of the 4 weeks and we're only watching a maximum of 2 hours per week of TV. This allows me to get my weather report in the mornings, watch Lost and the occasional bit of our latest DVD from Blockbuster.com. I'm also going to allow Fuss to watch an occasional one of her shows, but even that had gotten out of hand in recent weeks and she was watching way too much TV.


In other news, my dad came over on Sunday to look at our garage and see what our options were for enclosing the garage and adding a half bath, etc. (I really really want a 2nd toilet in our house. You have no idea how much I want this.)
But in the end, we discovered that the bathroom idea isn't going to be quite as easy as we had hoped. (like everything else in this house, they took short cuts in the plumbing and it just won't be as simple as we had hoped.) So then he starts telling me how he thinks it might be better to enclose our sunroom and turn THAT into a bedroom, which I had said several years ago (I had also talked about adding on at the time, but regardless, he was the one who kept pushing for the garage, so I'm a little frustrated that he wouldn't just LISTEN to my ideas way back when.) So we did some measuring and some talking about the details and I think we're going to end up with more space that way and in the long run, it will be best. I am still a little frustrated that we will be moving our master bedroom further away from the bathroom and we won't have an extra bathroom (or half bath) which was my initial point of this whole thing, but the 3rd bedroom is the main priority, so now we just have to get the sunroom cleaned up and out and get things moving along. My dad said that we could still attempt to do the bathroom idea, but that it would likely need to be a separate project and would take more time than we really have available before Fry arrives, so it will need to be delayed for now.

Either way, I'm excited that we seem to be moving forward with this. Here's to hoping it all goes smoothly!

Quick! Takes!

1. This no TV thing is both easier and harder than I thought it would be. When there isn't something on that I specifically want to watch (which, I admit, can sometimes be reruns of my favorite shows that I already have somewhat memorized) it's no big thing. The 12-5 hours in the afternoon? No biggie to leave the TV off. But in the evenings when my prime time shows are on? Frustrating. When I want a quick weather report before getting dressed at 6am? Problem. When I want to unwind in the evening with the lights off, snuggled next to my man and watch a movie? Grrr.

2. Really looking forward to getting back to my old, faithful chiropractor this afternoon. It's been 7 months. I miss him. And my back? it misses him even more.

3. It is driving me crazy to not know the gender of this kid inside me. I am really gearing up for the planning stages and I feel (whether this is logical or accurate or not) like I can't do any of the planning until I know. I can't go through the old clothes to sort what I'm going to give to my girlfriends who are having girls this time around and I can't start my registry and I don't know why it's bugging me so much, but it is!

4. My dad is coming over on Sunday to check out the garage so we can start planning it's conversion into a new bedroom. Yay!

5. Have I mentioned my desire for a new couch? I really hate the one I've got and I picked out a really reasonably priced one a couple of weeks ago. We're hoping to come up with a couple hundred extra dollars so we can buy it soon. I'm hoping by the next random-bank-holiday-furniture-sale weekend.

6. I also want a new recliner for when the baby comes. Something I can sleep in with him/her in my arms if needed. We got rid of the futon that was in Fuss's room when she first came home, which was the only available option for us to lay on and hold her if we wanted to give the other person a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Now we have nothing of the sort.

7. WHy is my daughter crying when she only went down for her nap 30 minutes ago?

I guess the word "adult" is relative

There is this couple I know from church. They are very young (acting) though they are legitimately probably only a few years younger than us. (I'm guessing they are in the 24-25 range by this point, but they seem SO much younger some how... I'm about to tell you how). They got married very young (19-20? I don't think either of them had a great home life) and had a kid right away (she's about 3 now, I think?) and have another who is under a year. He had a good job and I think she was mostly staying at home and maybe working part time at a grocery store or something like that, I can't remember. But now they are both out of work and have no income, no savings. They kept talking about buying a house last year and I know what they were living in was a double-wide trailer and they were trying to upgrade to a nicer one within the same mobile home park. But now, without any income, they are losing their home and are being forced to move out this weekend.

I feel bad for them, I truly do. They're nice, if a little immature, and they are doing the best they can. I know that the husband worked hard at his job, took as many hours as he could, etc. but in this economy, weird things happen to the jobs of good people, so there was nothing he could do about it.

But here is what gets me. I got a Facebook message from the wife a couple of weeks ago that was an invitation to the 3-year-old's birthday party. It was being held at a park (which, granted, does cost money to reserve a shelter, but it's under $30 in most places locally) and she explained that she was asking everyone to bring their own picnic lunch since they really couldn't afford to feed everyone right now. Now, I get that that is true. Completely. As a matter of fact, I'd probably still be baffled at them for continuing with the party due to the fact that they are temporarily "homeless" (they are staying with friends) if they were planning on spending money on it. But seriously? Isn't that pretty much the height of rudeness? Aren't you simply asking for gifts at this point? Just blows me over.

Fuss didn't get a birthday party this year. Granted, she had no idea - she's 2 - and we're planning on taking her to Disney in the fall when her cousins are down, etc. But the reason we decided not to throw her a party? Because we couldn't afford it. Even to reserve a shelter and have very simple food, we felt that we couldn't swing the cost of even having our families and closest friends (and we'd limit the guest list to those people only) so we decided not to do it. We had my mom and step-dad over to dinner and we went out to dinner (everyone paid for their own) with Daddy Fuss's side, but we felt that we couldn't afford more than that, so we skipped it.

It makes me mad that people who are in much tighter financial straits than we are can't be responsible and unselfish and polite. They've been begging on FB all week for help with a move to get their belongings to a storage unit this weekend. And they keep posting their statuses as "about to be homeless" and "landlord kicking us out", etc. I just think it's awkward for their friends and family to be hearing this, when many people are having rough times. Maybe not as rough, but rough none the less.

Sorry for the rant, but it bugs me.

Headache.

So remember that headache I mentioned so casually yesterday? The one that later on kicked my butt when it morphed into a horrible migraine. Yeah. That was the downfall in the complete media fast for all members of the household. Because I couldn't sleep it off and I needed to take a pill (which I wasn't sure was A) going to work and B) going to make me loopy) since my husband couldn't get home from work. So when Fuss woke up from her nap, with the blessing of my husband, I put on Monster's, Inc for her (her favorite movie and the one thing guaranteed to keep her still and mostly quiet for 90 minutes) and laid back on the couch. (For me, a dark room is preferable, but it wasn't happening. Fuss had a fit when I tried to bring her into my dark room when she woke and then I couldn't get the picture on the TV in my room to show when I caved to letting her watch her movie. It was anything but dark in my living room, so I ended up wearing my sleep mask for awhile just to block the light. If I hadn't been hurting so bad, I would have felt ridiculous. :)

Day 3

I'm afraid I'm skipping 10 on Tuesday this week (but I only feel mildly guilty since Chelsea is skipping it too!) to whine for a minute about how HARD it is to keep my 2 year old from driving me nuts without the help of even a tiny bit of TV. Plus, I have a raging headache and my lunch plans got canceled at the last minute, so this is already a rough day and I'm only to lunch time.

I can do the no-TV thing. It's not my favorite way to pass the time, but it's certainly doable. I'm getting more things accomplished and Daddy Fuss and I had a great conversation last night, so all-in-all things aren't so bad as far as the adults in the house go.

It's a little rougher when we add in Fuss.

She likes certain shows and a couple of movies and she REALLY loves the time that she gets to watch her shows and the snuggle time when she convinces me to put on a Disney movie and watch it with her. We're still snuggling, of course, but with books instead and she keeps asking for her TV friends... "George?" she says. "Emmy? Ciff-erd?" she requests so sweetly. "Veggie Tales? Cummer? Bob-Tato?" she implores. "Monsers INK! Mike! Suh-wee! BOO!" she begs.

In other news, somehow she convinced me to let her wear panties this morning (late morning. Like 10:45) It's 12:00 now and so far, so good, though she can't seem to tell me the correct answer when I ask if she is wet or if she went pee-pee in her panties. (The answer is usually yes, but then I check and actually, no, she's still dry.) I won't be leaving them on through naptime (disaster in the making, I am sure), but for now... She also had to put them on "SELF" this morning (she loves to do things herself - my Miss Independent.)

Off to go hide my aching head in a dark room. Or not. What really stinks is that I have a prescription pain killer that is safe during pregnancy, but I'm scared to take it the first time when I have to take care of Fuss without help. (Causes dizzyness is written all over the bottle) I've really been hoping to take it the first time when Daddy Fuss is around, but it hasn't worked out.

Media diet

You'll be seeing a lot less of me on the internet for the next 4 weeks.

I'm hoping to get a chance to blog regularly still, but our family is going on a media diet and that means limiting my time on the internet as well. My husband knows there is no way he can take away my internet completely and still have a sane wife, so we're simply putting a daily cap on the internet instead of taking it away completely (like we are with TV).

We've been having discussions lately about what we are spending our time doing - how much time is spent vegging out in front of TV reruns, messing around pointlessly on the internet, etc. - and about the quality of stuff that is entering our home in general. So this is our experiment to see how much we can do without and if we are happier, better adjusted individuals when it's over. Less entertained maybe (I do love my TV) but I would put money on the better-adjusted part.

We will be doing more together as a family. We will be doing some of the chores we have been putting off. We will likely be doing more ready and games and conversing instead of flopping on the couch with mindless entertainment in front of us.

To remind himself, my husband removed the batteries from the TV remote. He disabled the wireless card in my computer (which I made him restart since I DO still get to come online) to assist with the reminders, too.

We went 2 months 2 years ago without cable (and therefore without much access to TV at all) and really got out of the habit for awhile of just having the TV on and watching reruns of reruns of shows we like (you know, on the cable networks that show reruns of still-running or recently defunct shows for hours every day) . We were better for it and we weeded out the shows that we didn't really care about that much to begin with. But now we're in a rut again and it's time to do something about it.

There's a blogger I've read for years now that doesn't have a TV. They rent movies and even some TV shows on DVD and watch them on her laptop. Sometimes they even watch the shows you can find online if they are really interested. But their kids have very little to no TV in their lives and I bet they don't miss it at all. If I weren't such a TV addict, I would happily go that way, myself. And maybe, when this is done, I can. Who knows how we will feel on the otherside of this experiment? But I'm ready to try it out.

So, you may see me less often on Facebook. You'll definitely not see me racking up any new high scores on Bubble breaker. I'll still be visiting my favorite blogs and my favorite message boards, but possibly less frequently. And I'm not sure that I'll be any worse for it, honestly.

Convicted

I've been getting a lot of information lately about how negatively the media effects our children, regardless of their ages, etc. It seems to come from different sources, all trustworthy, and at different times, but it is really starting my mind rolling.

Daddy Fuss and I don't talk with "bad" language - we don't say a lot of curse words or call people derogatory names (well, there have been times in the car that we use the word "moron" too often, but I digress...) and we aren't violent people, so there isn't a lot of that in our house. But we love movies of all kinds and I'm starting to think we might need to reevaluate our own movie and TV choices whether the kid(s) are around to watch them or not.

Less language, less violence, less sex and other questionable "entertainment." I was reminded today that we need to hold ourselves to the standard of Phillipians 4:8
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

7 Quick Takes

1. I'm watching Grey's Anatomy for the 2nd time in awhile (Daddy Fuss and I have stopped watching any primetime shows that we don't both enjoy, so this was one of the casualties. Though he can stand it, it's not really one he enjoys) and I'm enjoying having sole-possession of the remote control, though I'd gladly give it up to have him home tonight. (It was just as well that he couldn't get a flight home tonight, as they apparently closed the airport due to thunderstorms or some such.) I am looking forward to his arrival tomorrow. (but WHAT is up with blonde Lexie? I really prefer the brunette)

2. MOPs is tomorrow and while I'm not a huge fan of one of the speakers scheduled, I am so excited to get back this month! I missed it last month when Fuss was sick. And I am so glad things are looking better this month, so far!!! I will also be officially announcing my pregnancy to them this month, so that's another happy thought.

3. I found my favorite Easter candies on sale at Target this week and got a few more. Cadburry creme eggs and pink bunny Peeps. Ah, I love Easter.

4. It's driving me crazy that I don't yet know the gender of this new baby because I am so ready to start shopping. Someone recommended this great diaper bag from Land's End, but it comes in either pink or blue or this ugly khaki color, so I'm gonna have to get it gender specific. I also am struggling with finding cute boy clothes I like so on the rare occasion that I find something, I want to buy it just in case and I can't because I don't know if it's really what I need! And I don't know any of my IRL girlfriends who are having boys (everybody I know IRL is having a girl!) so I don't even have anybody to pass it on to in case I buy it and can't use it!

5. Fuss was really well behaved today and I am so glad. She had a ton of energy and was so friendly and happy overall, but I only had to threaten her with discipline once or twice and never had to follow through because she didn't obey. Yay!

6. We're going to have to take a step toward potty training soon. Her voluntary interest seems to have waned, so we're going to try some motivation and a weekend of taking her to sit on the potty every 20 minutes coming up soon. I'm not sure I'm ready for it (it seems like so much work!) but I know that if it works it will SO be worth it.

7. I have so much laundry to fold and I'm sitting here watching TV and blogging instead. Ah well.

Energy... or lack thereof

I spent all of yesterday out of the house - 7am to 7pm. Fuss and I went to work all morning and then spent another several hours at my mom's. Fuss fell asleep in my mom's arms while we watched Little House on the Prairie reruns and slept there for a couple of hours. I was grateful for the break of letting my mom run after her for a bit - the non-stop single-parenting thing is running me down and again I worry about my ability to physical care for 2 children when Fry is born.

It's been a weird week. I'm struggling off and on with some mild depression... my husband is so often my sunshine, and when he is gone I feel the loss so strongly, like being in the dark for a prolonged period of time. And I've been feeling it since he told me he was leaving a week ago, so it's not always a logical feeling.

My living room looks like our drawers threw up - I've got about 4 loads of laundry - mostly unfolded - spread over half the room. My house is a mess and I'm so worn out that I have little energy to do anything about it, but I don't want my husband to come home to this disaster. I've got to find some time and energy to do a little picking up around here, even if there is no major cleaning actually done. (I did scrub my kitchen on Tuesday and that is in reasonably good shape, but the rest of the house needs a bunch of work!)

Where do i get the energy when all I want to do is sleep? And why do I still want to sleep so much? 50% of the time lately, I take a nap when Fuss does and I still sleep 7-8 hours every night. When will I start to feel normal again?

This morning Fuss had SO much energy. She was happy and giggling and reasonably well-behaved, but she was EVERYWHERE all at once. She was running in circles for my dad, bouncing up and down on me and had 2 of the worst diaper messes I've seen in months. (She was in her spare outfit before 9am, having heavily soiled her first one.)

I don't know where she gets this energy. It certainly isn't from me.

10 on Tuesday

1. Of your current hobbies, which would you choose to spend more time, money, and effort on? Why?
Man, my hobbies have really gone by the wayside in the last couple of years. (motherhood can apparently do that to you) But I sort of miss my drawing and I really wish I could spend more time and money on scrapbooking. I was really into it in college and it's really a lot of fun and useful. The scrapbooks I have from college and before are great for revisiting memories. I haven't even finished our wedding album (coming up on 5 years!) And I have purchased, but not even remotely started Fuss's first year.

2. List the two other hobbies/habitual activities (not chores) besides the one listed above that you regularly do now and didn’t choose in question one.
Reading (probably the only "hobby" I am really consistent about) and movie-watching.

3. Why are you spending time on the above two hobbies/habitual activities at all if you really wanted to spend your time on the first one you chose? …or to put it another way, what are these two hobbies/habitual activities fulfilling that the first one doesn’t if you don’t want to put all your effort into the first hobby?
Well, I really can't live without the reading, but I already spend most of my free time on that, so it's really more about what has been neglected. I need more time to devote to the scrapbooking, and it's hard to come by! And the movie-watching (I'm a serious movie buff) is something I can do with my husband, so that automatically gets more time than something I do on my own.

4. Ready John 3:16 in the bible… In what way does this passage affect you? What are your feelings towards these words, positively or negatively?
I think it's one of the greatest promises that we could ever be given.

5. M&M’s: nuts, no nuts, or peanut butter?
Def not peanut butter. In my opinion, those aren't M&Ms, they're Reeces! But I'm really a purist on M&Ms, so I'd say plain is the best way to go. Every once in awhile, I feel the need for peanut ones, but especially since Fuss seems to be allergic to peanuts, I am trying to stay away from some of that stuff!

6. Putting away the feeling of pride being a bad thing; what secretly/openly are you proud about yourself?
There are days, especially lately, when I really can't say I'm proud of myself about anything! But I think that I am very proud of our marriage - I think we have a really great marriage (better than most of our friends!) and it's something we really work at, so it's something to be proud of!

7. Given one room in the house to do with what you want, not changing the actual size of the room and with all the money you would need, what would you do, and be specific? (this can range from bouncy floor,walls & ceilings; to hard wood floor with wood paneling and purple ceiling with a chair; to nothing)
Our plan right now is to convert our garage into a master bedroom/half bathroom. And if I had an unlimited budget, that would be nice! I could do so much more with it! I'd really love to add a window seat and some built-in bookshelves and so on, plus put down some nice flooring (wood?) and maybe get some new bedding to make it look really nice, plus we're going to have to get some sort of closet stuff - like IKEA or whatever and with an unlimited budget I could get some really nice stuff!

8. What’s the next movie you’re going to see? Not what you’d LIKE to GO see, but the next movie you realistically are going to watch.
My mom and I are planning to see Dear John soon. I just hope it happens. My mom can sometimes flake on me about these things!

9. Use the keyboard only and make your best smiley/funny/cool face –> like this! 8^)
3=0) (a smiling moose!)

10. What makes you cry? What makes you pray? What makes you laugh?
I'm pregnant, everything makes me cry. Stress and concern make me pray. Fuss and Daddy Fuss make me laugh. Sometimes they are both so hysterical!

For more 10 on Tuesday, check out Roots and Rings.

Silly Things

I thought I'd chronicle a few of the cute things that Fuss does regularly, that I hope to remember forever. It's the every day things, sometimes that really make me smile and I never want to forget them.

1. When she wakes, she hands me her paci. "Red. Paci," she says. I put it away in the basket on her changing table and then she starts to gather her menagerie. She sleeps with a bunch of stuffed animals so each morning (and after naptime) she has to choose her animals. She usually chooses too many and we have to negotiate. She currently has 2 blankies (her regular purple one and a green one I used to refer to as her cold-weather blanket, but she fondly calls "geen.") and balls them up to bring them along as well. Maddie the Monkey always comes along, of course, but there Bella Bear, Nemo, Gaf, elephant, Twacks (her blue baby moose), etc. When one falls though - oh my goodness! - it's quite the thing to deal with having to pick it up and juggle everything else, but it is SO cute.

2. Phone calls. She loves to talk on the phone. I used to mock (nicely) my mother when I was a toddler and pick up the phone and say, "Hi, Zoey! (mom had a friend named Joey) Blah, blah, blah, blah" and Fuss does something similar sometimes. But when the phone actually does ring she starts to insist "heh-doh!, heh-doh!" regardless of who is on the other end. She usually gets her way when it's family or close friends, but depending on who it is, she won't often say more than "heh-doh!" or "Hi!" and more often than not, her yes and no's are in the form of head nods instead of verbal communication.

3. She likes to "help" feed the puppies. What we let her do it carry the cup full of food (she she puts up a running commentary on what color the pieces are) from the closet to the sun room where the dogs eat.

4. She says "bye bye" to inanimate objects, especially in in stores (actually, a technique that my husband came up with when we want her to put down an object we let her hold previously - it works pretty well! But she's started doing it no matter whether it's our choice or not) and characters on TV.

5. She tries to put on her own socks. She's not very good at it.

7 Quick Takes

1. I met the "new" MD at my OB's office yesterday. Unlike everyone else in the office, he's really high-energy and fast-talking. He seemed very young - and that's saying something in this office! The Dr who did my GYN surgery several years ago looked like she was about 15. The only thing is, I felt like he didn't listen to me at all. He would let me start to ask a question and then before I was done, he'd start to talk over me with the answer. I've always preferred the midwives to the MDs, but I'd prefer to have the other guy over this one, if possible. He's nice enough, just not my cup of tea.

2. Seeing the the 13 week ultrasound (dildo-cam style) was so cool. We got to see the spine, rib bones, both hemispheres of the brain, the legs kicking all over and the little hand opened up and waved at us! It was very cool. We didn't get really get any good still shots, but it was a really cool looking.

3. Fuss had her annual appointment yesterday, too. She has another ear infection, so we had to delay the vaccinations. They gave us a prescription for a non-penicillin family antibiotic, which we are hoping she is not allergic to as well. :)

4. Fuss has learned to count to ten (she often gets stuck on 7, but once we remind her of the number, she can complete it) and knows all her basic colors. (blue, red, green, yellow, pink, purple, black, white) and she likes to tell me the colors of her crayons and the cars we see in parking lots.

5. I've been taking naps this week with the Fuss. But I missed yesterday because of the appointments. I really really missed it. Today, I am exhausted!

6. I lost another pound. And every time I hear that I've lost a pound, I get oddly excited. When I was pregnant with Fuss, I didn't worry about my weight and it seemed to take care of itself. I didn't gain a pound until 22 weeks. I know that it's not ideal to be losing weight right now, but for some strange reason, it's exciting me. I need to change my way of thinking, probably, but oddly, I'm pleased.

7. Holding a garage sale tomorrow, for a last-ditch effort in clearing out our garage before we start getting estimated on the remodel. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm hoping to earn a little money. In other things I'm not looking forward to: my husband is going on another business trip for most of the week next week.

For more quick takes, click here.

A day

I'm a little late in the day, here, but geez, it's been a day.

I think I started to feel some Braxton Hicks last night and they were way more troublesome than I expected them to be at this stage in the game. My midwife had told me that I could start feeling them this early, but I figured, they would be mild and not terribly painful. Apparently not. I was quite uncomfortable.

Today, I've been continuing to be rather uncomfortable - mildly crampy, achy in back and stomach area. It's not being helped by the up and down desires of my crazy 2-year-old. She's been a bit of a handful today, but mostly she's been happy (until post-nap when she woke up crying and has hardly stopped. Shouldn't the nap make her HAPPIER? I know it has that effect on me.)

But she's pretty in pink today.

10 on Tuesday

Thanks again to Chelsea for doing 10 on Tuesday and allowing me to not have to come up with something on Tuesdays. :)

1. If you were given an hour to use a $200 Amazon gift card, what would you buy?
Books. Books, books and more books. The $200 would only put a small dent in my wishlist, but it would seriously help with my lack of new material these days!

2. Are there any fairly common foods that you’ve never had?
I can't think of anything. My husband likes all sorts of foods and is totally into trying new things. Since we've been married (and somewhat before then, but I've gotten better about being less resistant since we've been married) I have tried all sorts of things that I never would have thought I'd try as a teenager. I don't remember ever having brussel sprouts, does that count?

3. What was your favorite way to use your imagination as a kid?
I was going to be an author. I wrote all these silly short stories. Most of them made no sense, but hey, what do you want? As a young teen, I collected names I liked and developed characters based on them. My childhood best friend and I were also trying to write a TV series (I have most of the 2-hour pilot actually written... somewhere on a disk)

4. What’s your favorite state? Why?
Well, I like FL, but it has it's problems, of course. Maybe N Carolina? I spent time there every summer as a kid and I loved it. It's usually warm enough that they don't get a ton of snow, but not nearly as hot as the Sunshine State.

5. If it was our culture to have our parents choose our spouses, do you think yours would make a good choice?
I think my dad would have picked the husband I've got. He always hated my boyfriends before him and he has always liked my husband, long before there was anything between us (that we were aware of). I think my mom would have picked someone like him and she loves him, specifically. My mom has different criteria for a mate than my dad, but ultimately, I think they would have chosen him without much effort. Of course, I don't think my MIL would have chosen me, but...

6. What’s your favorite herb?
Thyme.

7. If you could have dinner with one celebrity, who would you choose?
Julia Roberts. I just adore her.

8. What’s your favorite Disney movie?
I have categories of Disney movies. Classic movies: Sleeping Beauty. Modern, old-school animation: Aladdin or Beauty and the Beast. Pixar: Monsters, Inc. But if I had to give them all up, sans 1, I'd probably choose Beauty and the Beast because I would watch it over and over and get something new every time.

9. If you had to listen to the same song over and over for 24 hours, what song would you choose?
Either something instrumental (I once actually made a tape of 60-minutes of nothing but Christmas Eve: Sarajevo 12/24) or mellow, like Norah Jones. Music really effects my mood, so I would need something with pleasant sounds and lyrics or I'd get really stressed. (but I do love some Bohemian Rhapsody, Chelsea!)

10. How do you order your steak?
Medium-rare to medium. I like it warm to hot all the way through, but a little pinkish to red in the middle.

For more 10 on Tuesday, click here and visit Chelsea herself!

Goodness Gracious

Thursday night I started in with this pain in my stomach. It began as this tight, full, bloated feeling (like I was extremely stopped up) and then expanded to a sharp, intense pain on my lower right pelvic region. (I even asked my mom the symptoms of appendicitis it was so sharp). I woke up repeatedly during the night - mostly due to the pain. When my alarm went off at 6, I got out of bed, painfully and on my way to the shower, Fuss woke up and I realized that I couldn't pick her up without an extreme amount of pain. I woke my husband and asked him to take care of her for me. I took my shower, but could barely stand up straight.

He offered to keep her for our usual "I get one hour at work to myself" Friday morning thing, for which I was grateful. I had no clue how I was going to load and unload her from the car when I couldn't pick her up. When he arrived at work, I had already called my OB's office and left a message, but of course hadn't heard back yet. I asked him to stick around and I called my dad to find someone to relieve me at work. I worked for a little while longer and my dad showed up early to help me out and wait for my psuedo-step-mom to arrive to help out. Having not heard from my OB's office, I decided to just show up and try and get them to see me as soon as possible. (I live and work at least 30-minutes away anyhow, so there would be a commute.)

When we arrived, I explained to the office manager that I didn't have an appointment, but that I had this horrible pain and was hoping one of the midwives could see me. In just a couple of minutes, I had been asked to come back, do my vitals (I'd lost 2 lbs) and leave a sample. They got me into a room quickly, too. They told me right off that my midwife had been planning to call me back, but had been called to the hospital to break someones water and would be back shortly.

She arrived several minutes later, but not before Fuss had gotten antsy and one of the staff members had come in with a latex glove balloon for her to play with. When my midwife came in, she apologized for being delayed, which I thought was amazing. Here I show up without an appointment and she is apologizing.

From my description, she guessed that it was round ligament pain, but gave me a check anyhow. She tried to pick up the heartbeat on dopplar, but couldn't get it (but OMG, did it hurt as she pressed the thing against my belly!) and hooked me up with a quickie ultrasound. They checked my ovaries and cervix length (all normal) and showed me the baby floating around in there. We got the heartbeat (166 bpm) and I asked the tech if she had noticed a correlation with the old wives' tale about the heart rate (> 150 = girl, < 150 = boy) and she said no, that it didn't seem to be the case that it totally depended on the size of the baby, etc. and so then she told us she had a 70% guess on gender.

The ultrasound confirmed that there were no further problems, so my pain was diagnosed as the ligament pain. The midwife reminded me that as my second pregnancy everything was going to be a little more dramatic and intense, etc.

I was relieved to find out that there were no problems. Very relieved. I think I didn't realize how worried I was until she told me it was all okay.

It took me 2 more days (Sunday) to clear up the pain completely. I was able to get back to normal actions (like picking up Fuss) on Saturday, thank goodness. I'm back to regularly taking softeners since the vitamins tend to make me more stopped up than I'm comfortable with. I also had a lunch on Friday that consisted solely of a Jamocha shake from Arby's (my favorite shake, but also often a guarantee to get my insides moving) and took it easy on my stomach for a few days.

I am hoping this week will bring less drama than last. I'm hoping March is better to me than February.